I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
one might say we're banned from that church
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
