Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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