Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize