the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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