god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
