kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
