Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
