Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
