I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
