If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
