Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
