Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
