It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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