U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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