jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize