We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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