So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
