this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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