At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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