Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dear god my vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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