I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
