A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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