It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
