Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize