my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
