i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
