Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
