So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
