Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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