awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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