I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You are a genius and a whore.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
