I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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