dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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