We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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