Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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