Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
did you just send me my own nude
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
