Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
