This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
