He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're like the curious george of whores
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
