I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
