I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
