You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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