i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
