it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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