i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
