I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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