dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
