Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
