:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
