I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
