OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
