this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
