I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
