when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
