girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize