i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
