Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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