you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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