Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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