My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
