I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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