She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
