just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
