Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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